I hope the journey in my teenager's life will help other teenagers out there to get things straight (if they came across this blog obviously hehe)
And also to those people who CANNOT move on.
It is embarrassing to actually spit out my teenager's life. Not only me but anyone else. But, I believe I can at least do something to help confused teenagers out there. So be it.
Trying to be someone people look up to
As everyone knows I came from all girls secondary school. Everyone and everything in that school have to be perfect and neat. In order to stand out from others is to be like those girls with 'boyish' styles and looks. Very short hair. Walking with that awkward way. After awhile those 'pengkid' will have their own admirers. I wonder why do they have to admire boyish-looking-girls in baju kurung uniform for god sake but well...it happened anyway. Yes, I tried to be like them but without having affairs with my schoolmate thingy. I just want that attention. Sucks ey. I've joined the school 'talentime' with my funny looking shirt and vintage jeans with very high waist. I am a tudung wearer but in that particular occasion I purposely go without it, just wanted to know how will my other friends reacted. Nothing! Nothing happened. No admirers no nothing. Life as a teenager is the worst! Hahhaa. Im totally NOT good in that thing. Thank god. Then I moved on.
A good girl
After not being comfortable in that boyish style I've decided to totally changed into a 'perfect girl' type. Not that I'm pretty but I wanted to be like in the movies. This is where you can see as a teenager, when they thought that the movie is good and really do made and impact they will try to be like one! As for me I didn't remember which movie and I tried to be like that. Very calm, patient. At one point, there is a person who I admire secretly(at that time he's a University student) had given me a call! A total shock. But before that, I knew a friend of mine also likes him. So I played safe. I thought 'Maybe he's calling me to get the details about her'. i don't want to fall for him to soon and maybe he's playing me. So I played along. Publicity in school was so cruel to me. My friends(including my closest friend in school) starting to blame me like I'm 'stealing' this girl opportunity. When I got so close to the guy I told him 'Promise me you will never fall in love with me'. At that time I thought that is the noble thing to do(of course as referred to the movie). So he said, 'Of course, we are bestfriend forever'. I wonder why didn't I found calmness after he said that. It actually hurting. In the end my friend and the guy did not even date. We were still close for about 2 years after that 'confession'. After that, we will only texting on certain occasion such as birthdays, Hari Raya etc. The following years.....never heard of him.
Girl Power
Through the end of my teenagers life I do not want to rely on anybody else which is good but also had its disadvantages. I'm a 1st year university student and I thought I'm all that. I stop listening to my family, friends and just go for mine. A lot happened because of my new so called girl-power-philosophy. My studies been soooooo bad that I nearly faint after i got my result in my first semester. Cried a lot. And then I realize how precious life is. I started to listen to what do people had in mind, observe things(which what i do most now)and be independent.
That is not all. I have a lot more to spill out but I think these are the most valuable things to share with.
The university guy I met in my secondary school years, actually confessed he liked me after not in touch for about 3 years. Huhuhuhu. I regret it. I've learned my lesson.
Teenagers, good luck in choosing paths in life. And remember, we have to be responsible of what we have done so be careful in every step you take.
-kakyung-
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